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mollydooker

Creation

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mollydooker

God was almost finished with Creation:

GOD: So how many animals do I have left to make?
ANGEL: Two.
GOD: And how many legs do I have left?
ANGEL: One hundred.
CENTIPEDE: Dibs!
SNAKE: You asshole.

======================================

A man loses his hat...

...so he goes to church to steal one off of the hat rack. When he gets there, the priest was giving his sermon on the Ten Commandments.

Something in the sermon gives the man a flash of insight and, after mass, the man goes to confession to tell the priest what he was going to do...

Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

Father: Go ahead, son.

Man: I lost my hat and I came to church today to steal a hat off of the rack.

Father: Is that so?

Man: But then I heard you talking about the Ten Commandments - and I changed my mind.

Father: Really? My son, did you make this decision when I was discussing the commandment: "Thou shalt not steal?"

Man: No. It was when you started talking about, "Thou shalt not commit adultery" that I remembered where my hat was!

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