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mollydooker

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mollydooker

6 August 2017 at 12:07:49 am AEST
To:
>>>  The Darwin Awards are finally out. The annual honor given to the persons who
>>> > did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
>>> > extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed
>>> > by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to
>>> > tip a free soda out.
>>> >
>>> > This year's winner was a real rocket scientist... HONEST!
>>> >
>>> > Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is TRUE.
>>> >
>>> > And the nominees were:
>>> >
>>> > Semifinalist #1
>>> >
>>> > A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because
>>> > he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed
>>> > gasoline with milk? Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
>>> > vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire
>>> > burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
>>> >
>>> > Semifinalist #2
>>> >
>>> > Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
>>> > another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants
>>> > of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed..
>>> > They were all found  dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
>>> > ankles.
>>> >
>>> > Semifinalist #3
>>> >
>>> > A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus
>>> > straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police
>>> > said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
>>> > together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
>>> > trestle at Lake Accotink Park , jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
>>> > Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
>>> > because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had
>>> > assembled was greater
>>> > than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said.
>>> > Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
>>> >
>>> > Semifinalist #4
>>> >
>>> > A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend
>>> > were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -
>>> > no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
>>> >
>>> > Semifinalist #5
>>> >
>>> > Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a
>>> > gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
>>> > extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.  After
>>> > the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
>>> > company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had
>>> > difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights
>>> > worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians
>>> > reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that          resembled a
>>> > cigarette lighter!  Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in
>>> > the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing
>>> > was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
>>> > explosion. The technician         suspected of causing the blast had never
>>> > been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
>>> >
>>> > Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always,
>>> > posthumously):
>>> >
>>> > The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in
>>> > the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
>>> > wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type
>>> > of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced
>>> > together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist(?) had somehow gotten hold
>>> > of a J A T O unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that
>>> > is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking
>>> > off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert
>>> > and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the J A T O unit to
>>> > the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the J A T O!
>>> >
>>> > The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967
>>> > Impala hit the J A T O ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles
>>> > from the crash site.  This was established by the scorched and melted
>>> > asphalt at that location.
>>> >
>>> > The J A T O, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within
>>> > 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well
>>> > in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25
>>> > seconds.  The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have         experienced
>>> > G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F -14 jocks under full
>>> > afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the
>>> > event.
>>> >
>>> > However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles
>>> > (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes,
>>> > blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then
>>> > becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face
>>> > at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
>>> >
>>> > Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments
>>> > of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and
>>> > bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of
>>> > the steering wheel.
>>> >
>>> > Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of
>>> > approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the
>>> > ground.

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