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mollydooker

Notes by a Canberra airport ticket agent

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mollydooker

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>         A  Canberra airport ticket agent offers some examples of  why our country is in  trouble:

>         1. I  had a female politician  ask  for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed  up by being near the window.
>             I  ask you, on an airplane?
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>         
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>         2. I  got a call from a Queensland politician (Katter)  staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to  Cape Town. I  started to explain the  length of
>         the flight and the passport information, and then he  interrupted me with, ''I'm  not trying to make you look stupid, but  Cape Town  is in Queensland''.
>         Without  trying to make him look stupid, I calmly  explained, ''Cooktown is in Qld, Capetown is in Africa.''  His response - nothing!
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>         3. Former Prime Minister Kevin  Rudd called,  furious about a Florida package we  did. I  asked what was wrong with the vacation in  Orlando.
>         He  said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I  tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is  in the middle of the state.
>         He  replied, 'Don't lie to me, I  looked on the map and Florida is a very thin  state''
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>         4. I  got a call from a politician’s  wife Landra  Reid who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from  Canada?'' I  said, ''No.''
>         She  said, ''But they look so close on the  mapâ€.
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>         5. Aide to cabinet member Janet  Napolitano once  called and asked if she could rent a car in  Sydney. I  pulled up the reservation and
>         noticed she had only a  1-hour lay-over in Sydney.
>         When  I asked her why she wanted to rent a car, she  said, ''I  heard Sydney was a big airport, and we will need a car  to drive between gates to save  time.''
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>         6.  Independent (Wilkie) called last week. He needed to  know how it was possible that his flight from Sydney  left at 8:30 a.m.,
>         and  got to Perth at 8:33 a.m. I  explained that Sydney was three hours ahead of  Perth, but  he couldn't understand the concept of time  zones.
>         Finally,  I told him the plane went really fast, and he  bought that.
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>         7. Former Federal Treasurer called  and asked, ''Do  airlines put your physical description on your  bag so  they know whose luggage
>         belongs to  whom?'' I  said, 'No, why do you ask?'
>         He  replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the  airline, they  put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT),  and I  think that's very rude''
>         After  putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into  it, l  was dying laughing.
>        
>         I  came back and  explained the city code for Fraser Island is (FAT -  Fraser Air Terminal), and the airline was just  putting a destination tag on his  luggage.
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>         8. Senator Bronwyn  Bishop, a former Speaker of the House and a serial travel extravagant (at taxpayers’ expense) called  to enquire about a trip package to  Hawaii.
>         After  going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would  it be cheaper to fly to California and  then take the train to  Hawaii?''
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>         9.
>         I  just got off the phone with a Labour  politician, Peter  Garrett who  asked, ''How  do I know which plane to get  on?''
>         I  asked him what exactly he meant, to which he  replied, ''I  was told my flight number is  823, but  none of these planes have that number on  them.''
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>         10. Peter  Slipper, Queensland  Snoozetician called  and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola,  Florida. Do  I have to get on one of those  little computer  planes?''
>         I  asked if he meant fly to Pensacola, Florida on  a commuter plane.
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>         He  said, ''Yeah, whatever,  smarty.''
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>         11. Mary  Landrieu, Kevin  Rudd's aide called and had a question about the  documents she  and her boss needed in order to fly to  China.
>         After  a lengthy discussion about passports, I  reminded her that she needed a  visa.
>         'Oh,  no I don't. I've been to China many times and never  had to have one of those.''
>         I  double checked and sure enough, her stay required a  visa. When  I told her this she said,
>         ''Look,  I've been to China four times and  every time they have accepted my  American Express''
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>         12. Former Prime  Minister Julia  Gillard called  to make reservations, ''I  want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York  ''
>         I  was at a loss for words. Finally, I said ''Are  you sure that's the name of the  town?''
>         'Yes,  what flights do you have?'' replied Ms  Gillard.
>         After  some searching, I came back with, ''I'm  sorry, I've looked up every airport code in  the country and can't find a Rhino  anywhere."
>         Julia  said, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it  is. Check  your map!''
>         So  I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally  offered, ''You  don't mean Buffalo, do  you?''
>         The  reply?
>         ''Whatever!  I knew it was a big  animal.''
>       
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>         Now  you know why the Government is in the shape that it's  in! Could  anyone be this DUMB? I  don't write it, I just offer it for your  consideration.

>         Like  manure, you just got to spread it  around.

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Parrothead

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