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mollydooker

The Irish

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mollydooker

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’
The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’
The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’
The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’
The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’

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Dante

 

Englishman Irishman Scotsman get a wish each. From a genie .

Irishman says 'Please give us back out country - no English influence, just Irish people living Irish lives in peace and happiness. His wish is granted.

Englishman says ' Please give us back our country - get out the foreigners and the EU and all the rest and replace them with all the English from the world over. And to make sure we're safe, put a wall around the nation as high as the eye can see'. His wish is granted.

The Scotsman thinks for a moment. He then asks ' let me get this straight: Every single Englishman alive is in England'

'Yes'

'And they have expelled all other peoples'

'Yes'

'And they've built a wall round themselves as high as the eye can see?'

'Yes'

So the Scotsman says 'Fill the fecker up with water then'

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